Tired in Recovery

7 days sober:

Today I realized that I am very tired...not tired of recovery, but of other things. As we all know, well, all recovering addicts, H.A.L.T. or B.L.A.S.T. are acronyms that are warnings as to the mental or physical states to avoid or that are dangerous and usually end up in you losing your sobriety.

H - hungry
A - angry
L - lonely
T - tired

B - bored
L - lonely
A - angry
S - stressed
T - tired

Like I said I am tired. This is dangerous and I don't want to be in this state of mind. What am I tired of? One, I am tired physically. Two, I am tired of being a gimp (I had surgery almost 12 weeks ago and have been in a cast ever since). Three, I am tired of not being thought of or of not being loved.

The physical part comes from just having a long day playing with my nieces. It was so much fun! One of the twins even played with me! They have been so clingy to their mom that I haven't ever really gotten a chance to play with them. So, this one will get fixed through getting sleep tonight! I can't wait!

Tired of being a gimp: this isn't really going to go away. This is one that I am going to have to just accept and get over. I am very grateful for this surgery and for the possibilities that it is going to open up to me...I just have a hard time in the moment. Especially when physical activities like running, biking, and working out are ways that I deal with #3...

Tired of not being thought of or loved (from what I can see): I just read a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Wonderful book! I read this book because I have been struggling feeling the love of my girlfriend. I didn't know if I wasn't recognizing when she was showing me love or if she was at all...I tended to jump to the second conclusion. So, after reading this book, I realized that she just hasn't been showing love to me in the way that I primarily recognize it. I wanted so much to share with her what the best way to show me love would be...but she is leaving me for 18 months for an LDS mission. So I have to accept that she is going to need to concentrate on her mission and not me. That will be hard to accept, but as soon as I do, then I will be in a lot better position to continue my recovery.

This is my experience and this is my daily check in! I'm praying for another 24 hours!

-Grateful and Hopeful