Busy in Recovery

3 days sober:

I think the biggest struggle I have had in the last couple weeks, and why I have relapsed a couple times, has been keeping myself occupied and busy.  Not only busy, but productive.  Feeling like I am doing something worthwhile. Doing something and feeling fulfilled afterwards.  Anyone else ever feel that way?

I have tried several things:

Watching porn videos                                                                                                - didn't work
Reading pornographic stories                                                                                    - didn't work
Reading a book series                                                                                                - sorta worked
Studying the scriptures                                                                                              - worked
Watching movies                                                                                                       - sorta worked
Hanging out with friends                                                                                           - worked
Watching girls by the pool                                                                                         - didn't work

Why didn't some of them work or why did only some of them sort of work? I think the purpose behind the activity gives a hint as to why they worked.  Obviously the first two and the last one are not going to work because they are manifestations of lust and the purpose of the activity is to feed the addiction. Reading a book and watching a movie sort of worked because they distract and occupy my mind, but they don't actually fight any of the affects of an addiction to lust.  Depending on the content of either, they actually could feed the addiction as well!

So, what is different about studying the scriptures and hanging out with friends? What is the underlying purpose? Each one has a different purpose, but they both fight/reverse the affects of an addiction to lust.
Studying the scriptures - Purpose: to build and strengthen my spiritual character and fortitude as well forge a stronger bond with my Heavenly Father. This makes me feel fulfilled because I am growing something inside me that has been tamped down and cut back for so long that it is yearning to be set free and to grow.
Hanging out with friends - Purpose: to get outside myself, to focus on helping others, and to build lasting, real relationships with real people who matter. Fulfillment comes from being around others as I focus on them and as I focus on getting to know them. These connections will help me get outside my head and to start healing.

If you ever feel like you aren't getting fulfillment, I encourage you to analyze what your activities are and what the real purpose is behind each activity. This works for anyone NOT suffering from an addiction too, just fyi!

This is my daily check in and this is my hope for another 24 hours of sobriety!

-Grateful and Hopeful!