7 days sober:
Well, I said goodbye to my girlfriend yesterday for 18 months! She is leaving on a mission for the LDS Church and will be gone for 18 months! She mentioned that really the only thing that scares her about coming home is what will happen if I am not in a 6 month or more period of recovery. She mentioned how she didn't think she would be willing to be patient and willing to wait for me to recover more so that we could get married.
When I first heard that I started to get offended, and even now, writing it down makes me want to get mad, but then I realized that what she expressed is a totally normal concern! Especially for her! If I am not able to get my recovery down to where I am having at least 6 month periods of recovery...what is the guarantee that I would ever really be able to recover?
So, the title of this post: Goals in Recovery. I decided to make a goal for the length of sobriety I will have by the time she gets home. One Year. That is my goal, and now that gives me something to work towards! Not that I can play around until it is one year before she gets home, but I feel like the 6 months buffer-time (in which i would love to have 6 more months of recovery tacked onto the year) will be the time to strengthen and establish the habits of recovery I will need.
There is one more thing I think will help me to not slip up. Thinking of how crushed my girlfriend would be if she knew what I was doing. This video is a wonderful talk by an Apostle of God about this, and I love how he puts this idea. Thinking of your mother, or your significant other...thinking of how crushed they would be if you were to mess up. I hope this, along with my dailies (daily's?) and weeklies (weekly's?) will help me to stay in recovery...I just need to get those habits down!
I love my girlfriend and I am going to miss her. But, my recovery cannot only be for her. I need to do this for myself and with my Heavenly Father. No-one else can give me the help and strength I need in order to overcome this addiction! I know that and I hope i can be humble enough to rely on Him and His Son, Jesus Christ!
This is my thoughts today...and this is my hope for another 24 hours!
-Grateful and Hopeful
No comments:
Post a Comment