Becoming Grateful

4 days sober:

Yesterday I had something happen that was very important to me. I was reminded of something I need to do every day that I haven't been doing; being grateful for the things that happen in my life. Here is how I was reminded:

Yesterday morning my Accountability Partner called me because he needed some help. We chatted for awhile, both of us talked about problems we have been having, and then we went on with our respective days. I had a wonderful day filled with relaxation, time with my girlfriend, getting ready for the next semester at college, and spending time with a friend because he needed it.

There were a couple bad parts though. I tried to work on a project for a choir I am in, but I felt too lazy. I wasn't able to procure a computer with the right software and so I rationalized that there wasn't anything I could do. I then rationalized that my friend needed me to spend time with him as bro's rather than going to my SA group meeting. (I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow morning to make up for it) These kinds of rationalizations are dangerous for me because of the mindset I put myself in.

As I started getting into bed I had some inappropriate  thoughts about my girlfriend, trying to guess what she was wearing while playing tennis. I caught myself thinking those though and decided to surrender the desire to think of her in that way to the Lord. I prayed, was able to surrender the thoughts, and then went to bed.

Right as I was falling asleep my Accountability Partner called again. I was super happy to talk to him and I could tell he needed some time to talk. So, he talked for about 20 minutes straight about his feelings and why he was feeling triggered and desiring watching some movie. As he talked I was reminded of how I used to write down 3 things I was grateful for that day. Things the Lord had done for me that day. As my AP talked I didn't see why I was thinking of this and then he said this, "I just don't know what to do right now to get my mind off of what I was watching last week." Bingo! I shared with him my idea and then we ended the call.

The point to this story is that the Lord used me to help my AP, but he also reminded me of something I needed to be doing. As I got out of bed to write down the ways the Lord had touched my life that day, I immediately thought of my AP calling.

Gratitude is essential for my to keep my recovery in perspective. I have a bigger purpose than just making myself happy. I have a loving Father in Heaven who wants me to live with Him after I die. I can only do that if I live his gospel. I am very grateful for that reminder yesterday.

This is my daily experience and this is my prayer for another 24 hours of recovery.

-Grateful and Hopeful