To Act and Not To Be Acted Upon

2 days sober:

Reading in the SA White Book tonight I re-read the section on recognizing trigger mechanisms. Mind-blowing! I mean, I've read that section 3 or 4 times, but each time I am reminded of how many things can trigger me, especially my emotions.

Whenever I read about HALT I stop and think, "I need to be more aware of that." Actually, that thought comes probably 2 or 3 times a week. I need to be better at remembering and APPLYING the principles I learn.

So, here is my application of a principle. Or maybe a couple of them. I am reaching out to others instead of staying within my own mind and shutting others off. I am writing down something I thought about and feel is inspiration from God about how I can work on overcoming my addiction.

Hungry (haste, hurry, hyper)
Angry 
Lonely
Tired

Each one of these emotions or states of being are dangerous to an addict. I know that I personally have very weak resistance to temptations when I am any one of those. Another acronym is BLAST. Bored. Lonely. Angry. Stressed. Tired.

So, I know that I need to be careful and be aware of when I am in any one of those moods...but how do I do that? How can I remember to be aware of that?

I'm not sure, but that is what I am going to be investigating over the next couple days. Praying and asking for inspiration.

I have the choice to act...or I can let myself be acted upon by my sex-addiction. I choose to act and turn my will over to the Lord. Only with His help can I stay aware of my situation and change it accordingly.

This is my experience and this is my checking in. Please comment if you have any input at all. You can even check the anonymous box (or uncheck it?) so you don't have to put your name.

Thanks,

Grateful and Hopeful

Scared of Mr. Banks

0 days sober:

Its been awhile since I posted, but I thought now would be a good opportunity to post something.

I went to the movie theater on Saturday with my fiance to see Saving Mr. Banks and was thoroughly amazed! I expected the movie to be good, but I wasn't sure how good it was going to be. The songs, humor, and thoughtful moments kept me engaged the whole time...but the one thing I didn't expect was to be scared down to my core. Here's why:

In the movie Saving Mr. Banks the life of the writer P. L. Travers, author of Mary Poppins, is depicted as the inspiration for the story of Mary Poppins. However, her story isn't all sunshine and roses; her father, Travers Goff, loses his job several times and eventually dies because of fighting a losing battle with alcoholism. Throughout the movie you see the heartache and pain that his addiction causes his family. You also see Travers create an imaginary world that he uses to try to escape his addiction.

The movie Mary Poppins is such a wonderful story of redemption; even though he has become distracted, Mr. Banks is able to turn his heart to his children and be a part of their lives again.

As I watched this struggle and coping mechanism, I saw a possible future of my own life. I broke down in the car on the way home as I expressed to my fiance the fears I experienced and continued to experience after the movie. She could tell something was off and so she was gracious enough to ask...she is so wonderful to me.

I know that with God I can overcome this addiction. I slipped up this morning, but I commit to being sober for the rest of today. I am powerless over lust and I 

This is my experience and this is my check in today. I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and for His guiding influence in my life.

Grateful and Hopeful