Sharing My Time

17 days sober:

Today I am having a really hard time coming to grips with my girlfriend's family being in town.  We are going to be spending the weekend with them and I am scared at my reaction to it.  When I went up to where they live to meet them I had to spend the nights up there sleeping at my girlfriend's grandparent's house because her parents didn't want me staying there at the house.  Also, her dad has a real problem with me and her showing each other affection.  We don't make out or kiss in front of them, but when I had my arm around her shoulder he was going on about how we were all over each other.  Basically I feel like his standards are ridiculous and out-dated.  I feel restricted by him and I feel like he has forgotten what it was like when he was in love with his wife.  I also feel a bit of distrust and disapproval.

So, going into this weekend with those feelings, I am under the impression that my girlfriend and I are going to have to not touch each other and not be able to show each other the small tokens of love that we usually do like putting our hands on the other's knee to let them know that we are thinking about them, scratching backs while sitting next to each other, and just plain cuddling.  I imagine us sitting there about a foot apart just to please him.  It's eating me and I am feeling some serious resentment! Agh...I hate it because I want to like them and be happy around them I just feel restricted and I hate it.

I guess this is my surrender?  I just need to let go of the resentment and realize that her parents are new at this kind of thing.  My girlfriend is their oldest child and I am getting worn out by the whole, "she's growing up and we've forgotten what it is like to be at that stage."  Yeah...I have some serious resentment building right now.  I need to make a call and get outside my head.

This is my check-in and I hope I can make it through the day.

-Grateful and Hopeful