Plagued with Lust

24 days sober:

Today I have been plagued by lust.  It is 9:34 am and I already have lusted after my girlfriend.  She tried on a different outfit today and looks amazing! She is gorgeous and I'm shamed to say that I let myself check her out to see how her new outfit accentuated her body.  I know that is what we do as addicts to most women throughout the day, so you're probably thinking, "Why are you so worked up about something you do all the time?"  Well, I've done my best and been very successful at trying to never think about her in any degrading way.

Why the change today?  I only have theories right now...but I think our candid conversation last night about how we both desire the physical and emotional connection that would come through having sex really took me back.  While we didn't act on it at all and we both agreed that we need to keep our strict boundaries even more so now, my mind still subconsciously caught hold of that and said, "there's a chance!" Yeah...not so good for my mind.  I had dreams all night of fantasies that I have had coming true, and that didn't do much for my state of mind either.

So, today...my feelings are: I feel like I need some sort of physical and emotional action that will express the desires that I am feeling of lust.  I feel like I need to have someone lust after me and show me that lust.  I feel awful about those feelings.

What is my plan to get out of this mindset?  Here you go:
1. Finish this post
2. Decide to be happy (This comes from the Seven Decisions that Andy Andrews came up with)
3. Call someone I trust and talk it out
4. Study the SA White Book for 30 minutes
5. Take every opportunity to get outside myself and serve someone else

This is going to be done in the next 2 hours, well 1-4 will be and then 5 will be an ongoing thing for the rest of the day!

Just knowing that I have this plan helps me have a better attitude.  I know that God is helping me and blessing me.  The support from my girlfriend, not acquiescence, but support of my recovery is also a great help!

The biggest thing for me and getting over this, besides all of those others, has been to decide to act.  Surrender, turn my will over to God, and decide to be a positive force.  Deciding is the key!

This is my daily-check in and here's me hoping for another 24 hours!

-Grateful and Hopeful