In the Fog of Recovery

25 days sober:

I can't believe it has already been 25 days! Wow...there sure have been ups and downs in those 25 days. 

Today my mind has been so clouded that it has been very hard at times to know what I want.  I couldn't remember why anyone would want recovery, and so I asked my girlfriend why she thought someone would want recovery.  She gave a wonderfully insightful answer!

"Well, aside from the spiritual benefits, I would think that it would be very freeing.  Recovery from any addiction is freeing.  And while real life might not be as great as the fantasies, I think I would much rather have a real relationship with someone who loves me than with someone who can never really satisfy my desires."

This really got me thinking about why I want recovery.  Why do I want to recover from this malady?  Here are the reasons that I thought of right off the bat:

1. To have a spiritual connection with God
2. To be free to choose for myself
3. To have the peace in my life that comes from knowing I am doing what is right
4. To love others and to feel love from others

I want peace.  I want love.  REAL love...not the counterfeit stuff we think we show others and receive from them.  I think I get love from my girlfriend, but I don't know for sure.  I hope so!

Something that gave me hope today: "Sometimes we were surrounded by beautiful vistas, at others, we were in a fog and saw nothing but the placing of one foot in from of the other as we trudged ahead." (SA White Book 78)  I'm in the fog looking for the vistas...but right now I just have to keep placing one foot in front of the other.  As long as I am on the road to recovery, moving forward, I am going to make it.  Even if it is an almost unmeasurable step, it is still a step forward.

Why do you want recovery?

This is my check in and here is me hoping for another day!

-Grateful and Hopeful