My Struggles Today

18 days sober:

I want to write today a little bit about my feelings and my struggles.

I am doing pretty well in the SA program.  I'm working on my First Step Inventory, I have a Sponsor, I have an accountability partner...from the outside I'm sure it looks great and I probably need to give myself credit for what I HAVE done, but I'm still feeling a disconnect.  I feel like I am still missing the point.  I'm struggling with resentment, I'm having a hard time not looking at girls like objects, and I just feel very discouraged.  I was hoping that with a Sponsor I would at least get some hope in my life, but I feel like it has gotten only more difficult.  Maybe that is what I am supposed to overcome, but I wish it wasn't so hard.  Each day it seems like I find another character flaw that I need to work on.  I prayed for God to help me realize how unmanageable my life is, so maybe this is what I get! Ha ha, let's see how this plays out.

Overall I am struggling.  I feel like I don't have as big of a testimony of the LDS Church anymore and I feel like I can't articulate what I know, if anything.  Today and tomorrow are going to be great opportunities for me and the other members of the LDS faith to listen to our Prophets and Apostles.  I have a couple questions on my mind and I really hope I can receive some answers from God through His chosen servants.  These are the questions:

-Is the Church true?
-How can I gain a stronger testimony?
-How can I overcome my character defects?
-How can I selflessly love? or What can I do to have charity in my life?

This is my check in and this is my life.  I hope it helps someone!

-Grateful and Hopeful