Dusting off and pressing on

1 day sober:

I could have titled all the posts for the last couple days that I DIDN'T write with that...1 day sober. Amazing how relieving and depressing that line is...all at the same time!

I haven't wanted to talk to anyone for the past couple days because I have been afraid they are going to judge me. I called my sponsor but he was busy and didn't answer the phone...I am wrong though. The people that I can call are really understanding.  And when I call them I can surrender the feelings I am having.

My problem? I don't open myself to others. I am stuck in a rut of calling no one when I have a problem. I am so shut off from other people that I just start downhill towards acting out and have nothing to stop me until I run off the cliff and hit the bottom. Then I stand up, dust myself off, and start climbing back up the hill...just so I can fall back down again! I need to rely on others so I can get out of my head!

So, I am going to call someone. Right after I get off this post and that will turn this destructive cycle around! I will turn myself over to the care of God and the others in my life that care about me.

I also need to keep a positive mindset. I will rely on God and let him take the wheel.

This is my daily experience...and I apologize right now about not posting over the weekend. I did not keep my commitment and will do better!

I pray I can get another 24 hours!

-Grateful and Hopeful

3 Things I am grateful for today:

1. The Talents of Others - On my way down to my parents house from my apartment I listened to a book on CD. So many talents went into making that book! You have the writer, the reader, the editor, the person who wrote the CD, the packager...so many! I am grateful for their talents and for the gifts they give the world.
2. Loving Parents - As I mentioned above, I am at my parents house. They are so accepting of me and they love to have me here! I am so grateful for that. Right after I walked in the door my mom told me that there was some cereal in the pantry in case I hadn't eaten any breakfast (which I hadn't incidentally)! 
3. The Gospel of Jesus Christ - I wrote an email to one of my cousins today who is serving a mission for the LDS Church and I was amazed at how personal my feelings towards the Gospel were. I feel like my testimony of the Gospel is wavering...not because I don't feel like it is true, but because I don't do a lot to keep it alive and well. But, when I was writing the letter I bore testimony of the sanctity of missionary work and I loved the feeling I got. I know it is true and I am SO grateful for the calming influence and guiding principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.