A Study on Surrender

2 days sober:

This morning, in accordance with my daily's, I woke up at 6:30, read from the Book of Mormon (personally this has done more to aid me in recovery than anything else) for 15 minutes, and then flipped open the White Book to page 66 where it talks about surrender being the first test.  In my year of being in SA, this is something that I have struggled to conceptualize or accept.  The notion that I can psychologically change my attitude or throw off temptation is very hard for me to accept.  But...I yearn for the time when I can do this fully! As it says in the White Book, "Usually we find that our initial surrender was incomplete and we begin to see some loose ends."  This is the hard thing for me is a complete and full surrender.  I somewhat doubt that anyone has done a COMPLETE and full surrender, but just the fact that surrender is something that helps gives me hope! I will be studying this all week in order to better understand it, but these are the thoughts that I wrote down this morning while studying:

Surrender
-Simply give it up
-Simple acknowledge my powerlessness
-Pick up the phone, ask for help, or go to a meeting *anything to get me moving and out of the current situation that I am in because staying in one spot and inside my head is death.
-Throw any semblance of the addiction away. Don't keep it at all. Nothing. *Anything left over from my past destructive relationships will need to be purged from my life.  This will further break the hold that this addiction has over me and facilitate my return to Jesus Christ and being one of His disciples.

I was in a meeting the other day when I heard the phrase, "You can't ever let up until you are safely dead." How true this is and how great of a reminder this is.

This is my experience today and this is my check-in.

-Grateful and Hopeful