Rewards of Recovery

5 days sober:

For the last couple hours, I have been pondering the principles in The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Specifically the reward part of the habit circle. I have felt like if I could only start finding out what reward I am looking for from my acting out that I would better be able to be guided by God to find other ways to satiate that hunger or desire.  So, that is going to be my quest for the next couple days/years.  If I act out I want to write down when, how, and what it was I felt I needed from that acting out episode.

These are a couple reasons I think I might be acting out for.

• I want to feel loved and appreciated
• I want to connect with God through my procreative powers
• I want a sense of fulfillment

Other than those...I haven't really come up with any other possibilities. Anyone else have any ideas of what underlying desire I have when I look at pornography or when I masterbate?

This is my daily check in and my hope for another 24 hours!

-Grateful and Hopeful