Finding peace in my life is a journey

9 days sober:

First - I am SO grateful to God for giving me these 9 days of sobriety. I couldn't have done it without him supporting me every day. Thank you!

Next - I read something very inspiring this morning. It was a talk by one of the Apostles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He talked about how we can have peace in our homes, which is something I have been searching for. Peace in my life. I think I have begun to feel it as I have come to be at peace with the struggles I have in my life. Living through my surgery, how limiting it has been - limiting me from doing the things I love such as mountain biking, skiing, swimming, running, rock climbing, hiking - this has taught me to be content with what I have in my life. Elder Scott (the Apostle) doesn't talk about this aspect of peace, but I know that God has blessed me. Here's the link to either watch the talk or read it...whatever works for you!

For Peace at Home - Elder Scott

Last night I had a very interesting experience with surrender. I was up late, I was tired, and I had forgotten to do something on my email. No one else was home in my apartment and so I was hesitant about getting on the internet. But then my mind remembered that on Netflix there was a movie that I hadn't finished...and that it was a porn movie! So, being the addict I am, I jumped onto the internet telling myself I was only going to check my email, do what I needed to, and then get off. YEAH RIGHT!! I was really getting on so that I could watch that movie...I knew that I really wanted to! I desired it so much! Well, I got on, checked my email, responded back to what I needed to, checked my facebook, checked a news site (why there would be interesting news at 1 a.m. is beyond me), and right as I was about to jump onto Netflix and watch what I knew would destroy my sobriety...my roommate walked through the front door! Yes! Someone to save me from my destruction!

As I closed down my computer and started getting ready for bed I realized that I really wanted to watch that movie and masturbate. The longing for those feelings of false connections, the physical pleasure...everything was so strong! But in the back of my mind...I'm sure its the sober part of me said, "You know you really don't want those things. You want to be clean remember? You want to have the connection with God and Jesus Christ that you haven't had for a long time!" There was a huge internal struggle going on inside my head as I got ready for bed.

As I got in my bed I realized the wanting the porn hadn't gone away yet. So, I prayed and surrendered those feelings to God. It was such an amazing feeling! I was able to sleep well and I was able to get up in the morning feeling good about myself!

This is my experience...and this is my daily check in! I pray I can get another 24 hours of sobriety through God's help!

-Grateful and Hopeful